Educators: It's our job for them not to hate us.
That's not all our job entails, but I believe it's part of it- a huge part.
I recently had a student drop out- a student who changed my life for the better. She was always a huge joy to have in class. From day 1 when she entered late in the year, around October, she worked hard, laughed, made me laugh, and came every day with a positive attitude and a smile on her face.
Not only a hard worker, she is wonderful at math. It comes naturally to her. She speaks Spanish more than English, but I would halfway explain something in English before she took the words out of my math and finished the entire assignment on her own, at which point she would start helping her friends and classmates by teaching them in Spanish. I've said many times that this student was an angel or an answer to prayers.
Around December, I noticed she was really struggling in her other classes. She was doing fine in both math classes, but the rest of her grades were dropping dramatically. Her behavior in these other classes was dropping, as well as her attendance. I lost valuable class days with this student because she was put in In-School Suspension for skipping other classes.
I started to really look out for her and to get to know her friends. If they were a bad influence, then I wanted them to feel safe in my room before and after school and in between classes- better that they come talk to a teacher than be tempted to wander off into trouble. A lot of her friends ran in a crowd that is commonly in verbal confrontations with each other or their teachers; some of them can be found in ISS on a somewhat regular basis.
One morning, one of our local Judges who deals specifically with truancy stopped me in the hallway. "I met one of your students in ISS yesterday," he informed me. "Oh goodness," I replied, "which one is it this time..." (I was disenchanted with ISS as a disciplinary measure and growing weary of hearing about poor choices my students had made in another class or in the hallways). The Judge kindly told me that this particular student was speaking very highly of me- I guessed that it had to be the one I'm writing about today. "I think so- whatever you're doing, keep it up," he went on, "she said that she hates all of her other teachers, but she really loves your class and she enjoys learning with you."
It was (and still is) so easy for me to see the good and the love in this student. If I was upset, she was the only student I could not mask it from. If I had been crying, she was the only one who noticed. When my boyfriend was coming in town or left after a weekend of visiting, she was excited and then sympathetic for me. She also challenged me to be not just a better teacher, but a better person.
She began coming to my class in 9th period every day for credit recovery, in addition to her first period class with me where she was scheduled to be in Algebra 1. She helped me organize papers, run errands, pass things back, and tutor my 9th period class. One afternoon, she said, "Miss, siempre viene bien enojada en first period pero aqui está bien felíz y chill" - basically, "you always come mad/grumpy to first period, but here you're really happy and chill." I laughed and told her that tomorrow I would be happier in 1st period.
Sure enough, I made a conscious effort the following day to radiate joy- taking after the example of my student. The others noticed and asked why I was in such a good mood- I told them that she had called me out and challenged me, and I was taking that challenge.
Last week, however, I was in a room of educators where the conversation began to drift off-topic. Now, I'll preface this by saying that I am by no means perfect in any way, and I have spoken of my students when I should not have done so. I also understand that, especially in May as state tests approach, teachers are under a lot of pressure for their students to perform, and this creates stress that provokes actions and words that we sometimes do not mean to say or do. But as the conversation kept going, many educators joined in on talking and laughing about some students' behavior, decisions, and performance. Listening to the discussion around me, (which like I said, I sometimes contribute to) I thought back to the judges' words- "she hates all her other teachers..."
and my heart broke: no wonder, if this is how we talk about them during our "conference" period.
The following week, my star student dropped out. While this has no direct link to the conversations whatsoever, I can't get her nor the conversations out of my mind- specifically, the words of the Judge. I can't help but believe that it really is our job for them not to hate us. And who do I mean by "them"?
ALL students. All of mine, all of yours, all students, period. They're not supposed to be our friend. But we are supposed to be their ally. Their cheerleader. Their confidant. Their coach. Their comforter, at times, and their biggest fan, always. Yeah, I have students that drive me absolutely insane. Sometimes I yell at them. Sometimes I write them up. Sometimes I cry when they leave my class because I don't know what to do or how to help them. But when students exhibit "bad" behavior, I'm beginning to see it as a cry out for help, love, or attention, which they all need.
We must remember that students, age 5 to 18, are growing individuals who above all else need to be LOVED. When they feel safe, when they know we care about them, when they know that we would go to bat for them, then managing their behavior becomes a non-issue because they start to see school less as a dictatorship and more as the opportunity that it is. The student I wrote about earlier transferred this year from another school district. I can't help but wonder if my student's teachers over the years had all believed in her, would she have dropped out? I have no doubt she will overcome and she will be an amazing wife and mother someday, because, as I mentioned earlier, I've just always seen the good and the love in her.
How does this story of one student effect my work as an educator? The system is flawed- we know this. We see the ins & outs, holes and gaps of state mandates, local procedures, and the politics of both; not to mention the sheer difficulty of our job itself. The system is undoubtedly broken and we know this- but our students should not have to suffer for it.
May we be the column holding up the roof when their world is crashing down. May we be the hope at the end of the day that they can not find elsewhere. And may we continue to fill our days and our lessons with love, regardless of the age, content, or level of classes we teach. This is my challenge for myself, and then to you- if we do this, always in the best interest of our students, in the end there will be no way they could hate us. Then, we will make the lasting change in their lives- and rediscover the reason we ever applied for this job for to begin with.
